Reflecting on my parenting this week, I truly believe I have a really good shot at winning the title of Mother of the Year.
For example, I got Reagan dressed (and I was dressed- win win), snack cup and water bottle filled and decided we would go on a brisk walk (see how I am also making time for physical fitness, aren’t we the vision of perfection!?). Buckle her in the stroller and we are off! After a brisk 30 minute walk, we arrive home and I assume she has spilled her water because she is SOAKING wet. I remove her from her seat, begin dabbing the stroller with a towel, when of the corner of my eye, I notice out (in a similar fashion to a male dog), Reagan has lifted her fully clothed leg and is peeing on the tire of my car. A steady stream of tinkle flowing down her leg onto the garage floor. Guess I forgot her diaper…
Another nomination worth event was this week, when we were rushing somewhere ( I have a hard time being on time to anything these days) and I placed Reagan in her seat, made sure she had her bear, pacifier, blanket, hat, sunglasses…. and hopped in and pulled out of the driveway.
Reagan begins yelling HELP HELP HELP. I stop the car and look back thinking she dropped on of the 16 stuffed animals she likes to hold while driving and I HAD NOT BUCKLED HER IN THE CAR SEAT. Major mom fail. So thankful my little gal loves to police and notify mom when she is not doing something right. YIKES.
Another good choice; deciding to wear white to a toddler Panera date on Black bean soup day:
This was after I gave her a bite of soup that was too hot, that she proceeded to try to get out of her mouth (and with my assistance) managed to fling beans within a two foot radius. I felt so bad for potentially burning her mouth, I immediately picked her up allowing her a perfect opportunity to wipe her mouth on my bosom. It was then, I decided I could now use my sleeve as a napkin. Full disclosure: the red spot on the front is my own mess. Guess we both need bibs!
There are many more stories that would convince you that I am in the running for mother of the year 2015. I’ll save those for another day. Never a dull moment as a parent…
Extremely nervous and jumpy 75lb dog in one hand, 20lb toddler in the other. Said dog puts paws on counter while I am signing in, knocking papers and pen off counter. As I am apologizing for this indiscretion the dog begins to maniacally bark realizing there is a dog behind the desk. I drop my wallet and toddlers shoe falls off. So, I drop the dog leash (we are alone in the waiting room by the grace of God), pick up wallet, finish signing in, sit on the floor (YUCK) and attempt to place shoe on wiggly baby’s foot. While wrestling gently managing toddler’s shoe a stranger walks in who, my aforementioned large dog, immediately jumps on. Place toddler on chair, run to apologize and get dog. In those mere 30 seconds, toddler has found free dog treats and is eating one. Rush over to her take it away and give it to the undeserving dog (insert increased perspiration).
We settle and I pray the dog who is being seen is a teacup yorkie who is mellow and carried out past us without causing a scene. No such luck. The pit bull emerges and my normal weenie dog (how weenie you ask; the dog is afraid of BUBBLES) starts growling and barking like he is on some sort of doggy upper. They immediately close the door and take pit bull back, I begin yelling over the barking (and toddler crying at this point) that I will go outside. Toddler shoes fly off, keys are dropped and my wallet is now under some bench – don’t care. We leave the office walk outside and away from entrance.
Extremely kind pit bull mama emerges with apologies (I am apologizing too my dog behaved just as poorly) with toddlers shoes. We re-enter the office and are put back in the examination room. This is where toddler begins to believe she is the one getting shots and starts crying again and frantically doing the ALL DONE sign over and over. The dog also beings crying and pacing. I silently pray that this vet has kids and or a crazy dog or a beer we could share. Find a stuffed animal in the office (goodness knows where that things has been or in how many mouths? ew) and give to toddler, she quiets and snuggles the dirty stuffed animal. Vet enters; crying and barking commence- the shot is given in 5 seconds (bless you vet for your speedy efficiency) and we can leave. Toddler will not release stuffed animal; they graciously say we can keep it (although they were desperate for us to get out of there- I think they would have agreed to anything). We exit the exam room, I manage to let the dog jump on an old lady while I attempt to pay with crying toddler in hand, scramble to open door to get out and loose another stupid cute little shoe.
Get in car; take a deep breath and laugh. I realized we had been in the office for 15 minutes (not 45 like I imagined). My own personal traveling circus.