As wives we will walk through many seasons in our marriage. From the honeymoon stage right after the wedding to the adjustment period when living with each other to life after your first baby, it’s inevitable that marriages will face some joyful and difficult times.
Marriage Takes Work
When I first got married in 2019, I was head-over-heels, rose-colored-glasses in love with my husband…and then the first year came and went and I thought “Wow, this does not feel the same as it did last year.” The honeymoon stage, as many refer to it, was fading and I was starting to notice more of the flaws in my husband. So I started to commit to more acts of love and reading all of the marriage books I could find. Let me be clear: the love I had, and still have, for my husband never left or dwindled. After the newly-married excitement fades you’re left with reality that you married a stranger, because most of the time you’ve spent together before marriage involved fun dates and conversations about your future together. But, if you’ve never lived with the man before you aren’t privy to his bad habits and his behaviors at home (until you get married).
After going all in to being a more loving wife, our marriage felt great and we were having the time of our lives. And then we had our first baby. Between the hormones and the transition into motherhood and the fact that I was heavily leaning into how I felt, instead of Jesus, I became a wife who didn’t appreciate her husband. It was such a rough transition that from my side of our marriage, it felt like we were doomed and that everything was terrible. I’ll reiterate-I thought that our marriage was almost over. My sweet husband was working from early AM to late PM and came home to spend as much with our baby as possible. He changed the diapers (even mine during recovery!), he got us dinners, and fed the baby and more.
Over two years later, I can look back and realize that I was focused on the wrong things and our marriage was actually fine. Transitioning into any new season of life can change your view of your husband and marriage. The most important thing that you can do is keep loving well. Scroll down to find the list of over thirty ways you can love your husband!
Three Tips To Becoming the Wife of Your Husband’s Dreams
Know that you already are the wife of your man’s dreams. After all, he married you! Here I’m sharing a few times and things that I’ve learned in how to be a better wife who gives her husband more grace and more love. I believe that we can all have amazing marriages when we learn to surrender and trust God with everything.
1. Pray, Pray, Pray
There is so much power in prayer. If you are not the most consistent in your prayer life, or just don’t pray for your marriage or husband often throughout the week, I challenge you to commit yourself to pray over your marriage and your husband for the next thirty days. During this time, keep a prayer journal and read The Power of A Praying Wife by Stormie Martian.
2. Challenge Yourself
It’s so easy to fall into the routine and the mundane tasks of our daily lives. It’s also easy to pick up and maintain the terrible habits that may be doing more harm than good (think nagging…). Challenge yourself to pick up a new habit that will be life-giving to your marriage, like greeting your husband with a kiss at the door every day. You could also challenge yourself to replace that terrible habit. If you’re not sure what that bad habit is I encourage you to ask your husband, or a close trusted friend.
3. Lean Into God’s Grace
God created us to be dependent on him, and through marriage we are sanctified and can be drawn closer to Jesus. We can’t expect to go into marriage under the assumption that because we’ve “worked out all the ‘kinks’ beforehand,” that it will be smooth sailing from the day you say “I do.” Bottom line: we are not perfect and no marriage is perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist, no matter how hard we may strive for it or try to control things. Press into the Lord, especially during these next thirty days, so that you can find strength, love and grace-for yourself and your husband.
30 Ways To Love Your Husband
- Make or buy him his favorite cup of coffee before he wakes up and leaves for work.
- Cook his favorite meal, ready to eat by the time he gets home.
- Surprise him with an at-home date night.
- Give him a massage.
- Initiate a spicy night in the bedroom.
- Buy him something he really wants, but hasn’t bought yet.
- Make him breakfast in bed or have breakfast ready to eat when he wakes up.
- Write him a love letter.
- Leave little love notes in places he’ll find or see them (lunch box, steering wheel of his car, etc.)
- Send him a thoughtful text while he’s away or working.
- Wear lingerie in anticipation of when he gets home.
- Speak life into him during the day (I am so thankful to be your wife/You are the most faithful and hardworking man I know, etc)
- Do something that he likes, that you may not enjoy as much (playing a vide game, etc)
- Do a household chore or task that he normally does.
- Pray over him, with him.
- Pack his lunch box and include a special note.
- Wash his feet.
- Arrange a cooking class or create your own at-home cooking class, to take together.
- Make a scrapbook of your favorite memories together.
- Call him just to say “I love you” and see if he needs anything.
- Make him ‘coupons’ to cash in on (press massage, your choice movie night…).
- Wear the outfit your husband like the most, even if you’re not going anywhere.
- Compliment 3-5 times a day.
- Prepare a bath or shower for him and lay out his clothes.
- Buy him an outfit you’d find him attractive in.
- Organize a meal with some favorite people.
- Have an intimate dinner at home, no phones or screens allowed.
- Play his favorite game/round of his favorite sport, together.
- Give him a night of selfless pleasure in the bedroom.
- Greet him at the door with a kiss and hug when he gets home at the end of the day.
*BONUS*
31. Celebrate him as if it were his birthday.
32. Write him 5-10 reasons why you love him and give it to him.
33. Organize a day or weekend of adventure to a place he wants to go and a place he want to eat.
34. Organize a guys night out with his close friends/family.
35. Ask him how you can help.
36. Surprise him at work with something thoughtful (a meal, gift, etc.)
37. Print out a large size photo of your favorite moment together and frame it to place somewhere in your home
My hope is that this has inspired or encouraged you to step outside of your norm and challenge yourself to step into the full love of the marriage you’ve been blessed with.
If you were encouraged by this, share with a friend!
Read more of my latest posts.
- Thrive in the Wait: Advice For Single Christian Women
- Love and Respect: Transform Your Marriage
- How To Get The Spark Back In Your Marriage
- 30 Ways To Love Your Husband Well
- 10 Ways Busy Moms Can Maintain A Clean Home
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