In the midst of our busy lives it’s easy for one of the most important relationships in our lives (our marriage) to take a backseat. Marriage was made to be more than just coexisting with your husband. It’s meant to be an intimate, loving, and fulfilling partnership that reflects Christ’s love. So, how do we cultivate intimacy in a busy season of life? How do we break through the routine of “doing life together” and dive into deep, emotional, physical, and spiritual connection?
We can find the answers in God’s Word and in intentional, prayerful actions. In this post, we’ll explore biblical principles and practical steps for building intimacy in your marriage.
The Foundation of Intimacy: A Covenant, Not a Contract
At the heart of any God-centered marriage is the understanding that marriage is a covenant, not a contract made in a courthouse. A contract is an agreement based on mutual benefit and can be terminated at any time. Whereas a covenant is a sacred promise, a commitment before God that lasts a lifetime.
What Does Covenant Love Look Like?
The Bible beautifully captures covenant love in Ephesians 5:25-28:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”
Covenant love is sacrificial and selfless. It’s not about what we get rather what we give. Christ gave everything for the us, and in marriage, we are called to love our spouse with the same selflessness.
If intimacy feels distant or broken in your marriage, it’s time to reflect on the covenant promise you made at the alter and ask yourself, “Am I loving my spouse selflessly, as Christ loves me?”
Emotional Intimacy: Building a Heart Connection
Emotional intimacy is plays an important role in having a healthy marriage. It’s about understanding each other and being known by your spouse—truly understanding each other’s hearts, desires, and struggles. But overtime emotional intimacy may weaken as life’s demands build up.
1. Have More Deep Conversations
One of the greatest ways to foster emotional intimacy is through meaningful conversation. This involves more than just the day to day things or surface-level topics. True intimacy grows when you talk about your feelings, dreams of the future, and spiritual journeys.
“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”Proverbs 18:13
Listening is key to emotional intimacy with your husband. Set aside uninterrupted time for honest conversations, where both you and your spouse can share your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Make it a priority to listen fully and attentively.
Read More: Love and Respect: Transform Your Marriage
2. Protect Your Time Together
Creating intimacy takes intentionality. Schedule regular date nights or even daily check-ins. Protect these moments as the most important appointment in your calendar. Song of Solomon 2:15 warns,
“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”
The “little foxes” in your marriage might be things like working beyond normal work hours, projects around the house, or social media that eat away at your time together. Protect your connection by saying “no” to distractions and “yes” to each other.
Physical Intimacy: A Godly Expression of Love
In a Christian marriage, physical intimacy is more than just a physical act. It’s a beautiful, God-given way to express love, vulnerability, and connection. But physical intimacy can sometimes become an area of struggle, more so when life gets busy or when conflicts remain unresolved.
3. Remember the Purpose of Physical Intimacy
God’s design for physical intimacy in marriage is outlined in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
Physical intimacy is a mutual act of giving, a way to serve each other in love. It’s also a reflection of the oneness we’re called to in marriage. When we prioritize physical intimacy with our husbands, we honor our marriages and strengthen our connection.
4. Overcome Obstacles to Physical Intimacy
If you’re struggling to get physically intimate with your husband, it’s important to address it with both grace and intention. Barriers like stress, emotional distance, or unspoken resentments can get in the way. Start by talking about these issues with your husband in a loving and non-judgmental way.
Pray together, asking God to help you restore physical intimacy in your marriage. Song of Solomon 4:9 captures the beauty of love’s pursuit:
“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.”
Reignite the flame by being intentional about your affection. Sometimes, a long kiss, a hug, or even holding hands can be the starting point to reestablishing physical connection.
Spiritual Intimacy: Growing Together in Christ
One of the deepest forms of intimacy in marriage is spiritual intimacy. When you and your spouse are growing together in your relationship with Christ, your marriage becomes a powerful reflection of God’s love.
5. Pray Together Regularly
One of the most effective ways to build spiritual intimacy is to pray together. When you bring your needs, hopes, and fears before God as a couple, you strengthen your bond with each other and with the Lord because of how vulnerable you get together. Matthew 18:20 reminds us of the power of unity in prayer:
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
Take time each day to pray, not just for your marriage but also for each other’s personal struggles and dreams. Ask God to reveal areas where you can grow spiritually, both individually and together.
6. Read the Bible Together
Another way to grow spiritually is by studying God’s Word together. Whether it’s a morning devotional or a nightly Bible study, reading Scripture together fosters unity and spiritual growth.
“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”
Psalm 119:105
Let the Word of God be the guiding light in your marriage. It will help you navigate challenges and keep your focus on God’s plan for your marriage.
7. Handle Conflict with Peace and Forgiveness
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage, but how we handle it makes all the difference. The Bible gives us clear guidance on how to resolve conflict in a way that promotes intimacy rather than a “you versus me” mindset.
8. Seek Reconciliation, Not Victory
In marriage, the goal of conflict resolution should always be reconciliation, not winning the argument. Ephesians 4:2-3 gives a blueprint for handling disagreements:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
When conflicts come up, approach them with humility and a desire for resolution with peace and grace. Focus on the issue at hand, not past wrongs, and be quick to forgive.
9. Forgiveness: A Key to Intimacy
Unforgiveness is one of the greatest barriers to intimacy in marriage. Holding onto grudges or bitterness creates emotional distance. Colossians 3:13 instructs us:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Just as God has forgiven us, we are called to extend that same grace to our husbands. Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring hurt feelings, but it does mean releasing the hold those feelings have on you and choosing to love over holding onto resentment.
Final Thoughts
Creating intimacy in your marriage isn’t something that happens overnight—it’s a lifelong journey that changes with each season. By cultivating emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy, you can experience the deep, intimate connection that God desires for your marriage. Remember, it’s not about perfection but about continually striving to grow together.
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May your marriage be a testimony of God’s love and faithfulness as you journey toward deeper intimacy together.
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