Has your marriage felt more like a routine than a romance lately? Between the demands of work, kids, and everyday life, it’s easy to lose sight of the spark that once lit up your relationship. We all make a covenant our wedding day, but something we didn’t think to add was, “When the feelings fade and all that’s left is you and me and the life we’ve built; when I’m so frustrated it might seem easier to scream or walk away; when our bodies aren’t the same anymore and we’re too exhausted to get intimate in the bedroom.”
Whether you’re newlyweds or seasoned in your marriage journey, rekindling that flame is not only possible, but it’s also God’s desire for you. Ready to discover how to reignite that God-given passion? Let’s dive in and find out how you can refresh and restore the love that first brought you together.
What Love Requires
We all desire a happy ending; we desire to be adored and loved, unconditionally; and we really want someone who knows us from the inside out and all of our little quirks. Someone who knows the most intimate parts of us, especially how to give us pleasure. We want someone to know what we’re thinking, without saying a word. Someone who knows where our scars and moles or freckles lie on our bodies. We want to be known and loved for the best and worst of who we are, without judgement.
The same way we want to be loved, is the same way we should love in return. Without reservation, without judgement and with our whole being. Love requires action and loyalty. Most importantly it requires faithfulness.
Restoring Your Marriage
Surviving a rough season requires three things from you:
- Your commitment.
- Your faithfulness.
- Taking action.
If you have/are able to do these three things, you will make it. Your marriage will stand firm through the changes and lack of feelings and having kids and dealing with grief.
5 Ways To Reignite the Spark in Your Marriage
Being committed to someone requires more than just feelings of love and it requires more than a five-year plan and a grandiose wedding. Below are 5 important actions to take to reignite the spark in your marriage.
1. Stop nagging.
In Proverbs 27:15-16 (NIV Translation) it says, “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.”
Often I find myself nagging out of need. I need you to wash the dishes. You need to fix the clogged sink. I need you to do this.You need to do that.
The Consequences of Nagging
When we constantly nag our husbands, two things begin to happen: 1) he starts feeling like you don’t respect him and 2) he starts to find other things or places that feel like solace and peace to him. As wives, we should want our husband to want to enjoy coming home. We should want our husbands to know and feel loved by us. If there is one thing you can start doing today to reignite the spark in your marriage, pause before you nag and instead start nagging God. Tell God all the things you wish your husband would do or the ways you wish he would just change. I challenge you to commit to nagging God, instead of your husband, for one week.
2. Make God your priority.
When we stop living to please other people and re-center our focus on God, we begin living to honor and please him. What is more pleasing to God than honoring what he’s blessed you with? If your marriage feels a bit lackluster right now, or you’re really struggling to love your husband, I urge you to seek comfort in God. Talk to him. Pray to him. Bury yourself in his Word.
Scriptures for a Strong Marriage
There are so many scriptures about seeking God, here are a few that I hope encourage you:
Psalm 119:2 “Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart…”
Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.“
Psalm 105:4. “Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.“
Psalms 34:4-5 “I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.”
3. Out-love your husband.
When a marriage is not in the best place wives may start relying on, or placing emphasis on how they feel. That is a recipe for disaster. God creates us to have feelings and while I believe it’s healthy to acknowledge them, it’s not healthy to dwell on them. We must put aside how we feel and choose to love. Make it your daily mission to love your husband so well through your actions and words.
A moment of choosing to love could be making lunch for you husband before he goes to work. It may be tedious to you, but it could mean so much more to him. When we choose to love we are showing our faithfulness, commitment and loyalty-to God and to our husbands.
4. Honor your marriage.
Remember this: God knows our hearts and hears our words.
Be a Respectful Wife
How you speak to your husband, in private and public, and how you speak about your husband when he’s not around is so important. It’s not fair to your husband or your marriage if you go to other people to discuss your marital problems or conflicts. Not only are you making private matters public but even if you go home and resolve the issue with your man, your friend or family member will not experience that same resolution with him. They’ll always remember the conflicts and arguments, and never see your husband the same way ever again. When I began to honor my husband through my actions and how I spoke to him, the change in our marriage and home was evident.
Be Faithful
How else can you honor your marriage? By being faithful. This means being being aware of what you consume (books, music, shows/movies), and being careful not to idolize or admire other men. I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate it if your husband snuck a glance at a woman walking by or if he told you how attractive he may find another woman (celebrity or otherwise). Give your man the honor of having your attention and your eyes on him.
5. Show Affection Daily.
Weddings are beautiful. New love is thrilling. But when do we get another chance to celebrate our love and marriage after those moments, apart from anniversaries? Love is something to be cherished. And marriage is something to be celebrated, especially nowadays where divorce rates are very high (2.4% for every 1,000 married couples).
The Little Moments Matter Too
Your marriage and the love you committed to should be celebrated often, whether in the little moments or big gestures. A little moment could be holding hands while driving. A big gesture could be putting together your husband’s favorite meal and making an intimate night at home on a regular Wednesday. Only you know your husband best and if you don’t, commit to getting to know more of him inside and outside of the bedroom.
Rediscovering Passion and Joy: Keep the Spark Alive
Creating a lasting, joyful marriage doesn’t end once the spark returns. Keep nurturing your love, communication, and commitment to each other to keep the flame alive.
3 Tips to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage
- Continue Prioritizing Date Nights: Regular quality time helps maintain your connection.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge the little things that make each day special.
- Stay Curious About Each Other: Keep learning about each other’s dreams, goals, and interests.
A Prayer for Renewed Love in Marriage
“Dear Lord, thank you for the blessing of my spouse and the love we share. Help us to honor each other with respect, kindness, and understanding. Revive the spark between us, and may our love be a reflection of Your love for us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Final Thoughts: Building A Love that Endures
Your marriage is God given. You didn’t make a mistake in marrying your husband.
The more you focus on having an intimate relationship with God, the more joy you will have. If you want your husband to change, you have to focus on yourself first. Find a hobby for yourself or dig deeper into the things you’re passionate about (crocheting, reading/writing, fitness, etc.). Commit to being selfless with love; let what you do be be rooted in love. Seeing the change in you just might inspire your husband to want to be better.
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For more encouragement in marriage:
How To Have Your Husband Drooling Over You
A Biblical and Juicy Chat About Marriage
The Vision of Marriage
Changing Your Husband
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