How To Love Your Spouse As A Godly Wife

If you are a new wife or mother, are going through a difficult season in your marriage or are wanting to learn and know all you can to prepare for marriage, there is so much wisdom and fruit to bear in learning to love your husband well. Loving your spouse in a way that honors God is more than a feeling—it’s a commitment that reflects His love and grace. But what does it mean to truly love your husband as a godly wife? In a world that often focuses on self-interest, this can be challenging. In this post, we’ll explore practical, faith-driven ways to show Christ-like love in your marriage, cultivating a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your spouse. If you’re ready to embrace God’s design for love, these insights can help transform your relationship and bring you closer together in faith.

Embracing God’s Purpose for Love in Marriage

As a wife, loving your husband isn’t just about affection or words—it’s about living out God’s purpose for love within your marriage. God calls us to love with patience, humility, and forgiveness, embodying the same grace He extends to us each day. This kind of love isn’t always easy, especially during challenging seasons, but it’s deeply rewarding and transformative. By focusing on these qualities, you can create a marriage that not only honors God but also brings genuine joy and peace to both you and your husband. The goal is not just to live as a wise and loving wife, but live as a wise woman and love others well as we are called too. The greatest commandment we are told repeatedly in the New Testament is to love.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Matthew 22:36-39

8 Ways To Love Your Spouse As A Biblical Wife

Let’s dig deeper on how we can love our husbands well and live as women of wisdom.

1. Respect him in all you say and do.

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

Respect is the ultimate requirement to loving your spouse well. How can you love a man that you don’t respect? How can a man feel loved by you, if all that you say and do is not respectful to and honoring of him?

The Lord made man to be the head of the wife, to lead his family well. And it is our duty to submit to our husbands. No matter how you feel, you should always show respect to him. Don’t allow your feelings to run your marriage. Respect him in public and pray for him in private.

2. Cook his favorite meal.

The old saying is “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” The longer I’ve been married, the more I find this to be true. My husband spends the majority of his day at work, leaving long before the sun rises and coming home long after the sun sets. It wasn’t until four years of marriage had gone by, that I started to make the effort of having dinner ready by the time he walked through the door. Not much can beat coming home to a joyful family excited to see you and a warm delicious meal.

Put in the extra effort to make more homemade meals that include a rotation of his favorites. A great and practical way to love your husband well today is to make him a dish that you know is his favorite.

3. Love him well by serving him selflessly.

Let me preface by saying that I do not condone physical abuse, verbal abuse or violence against women in any way. If you are in an abusive or violent relationship, please seek help immediately.

Let’s learn to love without an agenda or without expecting something in return. Too often I used to find myself saying, I can do this for you if you can cook dinner tonight. Or, I’m willing to do that for you if you can clean the bathroom for me. I tried to make a bargain or exchange an act of service so that I could get my husband to do something I didn’t feel like doing. If you can relate, let’s work on serving because we genuinely love our husband and not because we want him to do something for us.

For example, does your husband pack his own lunch for work, and it’s not something you do often enough? Take the extra time to pack his lunch a few times this week, along with snacks for work and maybe include a love note with it. Does your husband enjoy receiving gifts? Put together a thoughtful gift you know he’ll use and enjoy, even if it’s not the holidays or his birthday.

It’s the small gestures that mean the most so don’t feel the need or pressure to put together some extravagant show of love, unless of course your husband likes that kind of thing.

4. Listen More.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1

When we are quick to speak we’re not taking the time to consider the words that are flowing from our lips. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve spoken harsh words more often than I would have liked to. So why didn’t I stop speaking? Proverbs 10:8 says“The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin.” I was a chattering fool who thought the more words I spoke, the better my husband would understand the point I was trying to make, or see things from my perspective.

Instead, it did the opposite and actually caused him to shut down and on occasion stirred up some anger within him. He had heard enough words come out of my mouth to feel that I didn’t value him. When you slow down and take the time to actively listen and try to enjoy the conversation you and your husband are having, he will feel more appreciated and loved by you.

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Proverbs 16:24

Healthy Habits For A Happy Marriage:

Say a prayer instead of nagging. When I feel that my husband is doing something, or acting in a way that I don’t think is right, I bite my tongue and say a prayer. Sometimes it’s “Lord, please give my husband a heart to love me well and an open mind to see how his behavior is making making me feel.” Other times it’s, “Father, help me to see and love my husband how you see and love him.” And there are moments where it’s, “Lord, please convict my husband of his phone usage. Open his eyes to see how much his phone is a distraction. May his desire for quality time with our family increase and his pleasure from a phone screen decrease.”
Bite your tongue when you feel the urge to speak. This is mostly during those arguments or heated discussions when all of the words I’ll regret later want to spill out. I find that when I bite my tongue, take a breath, and chew on his words for a moment I’m speaking from a place of love rather than emotion.

5. Have more sex.

Sexual intimacy within marriage is amazing. I truly cannot describe it, but being physically intimate with your person is so sexy and can be passionate. Sometimes the routines and busy schedules can make it feel like hard work to have a passionate and pleasing night in the bedroom, but when you make the effort it’s possible. Below are little things you can do to have more amazing sex:

Schedule it. I know how boring it sounds to schedule sex! But when life gets to be too busy, you’ve got to do what you need to do.
Set the mood early in the day. When you flirt with your spouse all day when you’re apart, keep in mind that it builds up! Think of how in the mood you’ll feel when you finally come together at the end of the day, after sending flirty and steamy messages all day long. Setting the mood sets the expectation of what’s to come and you’ll somehow have more energy to give in the bedroom later at night.

6. Deepen your intimacy with the Lord.

When your relationship with the Lord is good, so is every area and aspect of your life. No matter the circumstances.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Proverbs 30:30

The Proverbs 31 woman recognizes that beauty will not last, but when she fears the Lord everything is so much better. As you deepen your relationship with Abba Father, you will begin to know and trust him. And most importantly, you will find never-ending joy in him. Make it a priority to have alone time where you sit at his feet in worship and prayer or spend that time studying the word.

“The fear of the Lord leads to life; then one rests content, untouched by trouble.”
Proverbs 19:23

7. Stop being so serious all of the time.

If you’re a natural Type A person, do you need to have serious discussions everyday and a plan for absolutely everything, including a trip to the mall? It may be time to relax a bit.

While there are moments that do require being serious and focused, life is not meant to be that way 24/7. Don’t let a bad moment, temporary stress, or a bad mood get in the way of loving your man. Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” When you are able to find some laughter in your day-to-day and be playful, you will enjoy your husband and your marriage so much more. As a reformed Type A serious planner, I promise you.

8. Romance him.

This may require a little research and will require a lot of effort. Can you think back to the beginning of your relationship, maybe before your first date? Maybe you remember how often you tried to win each other over, with a special gift or extra special outfit. Let’s try to bring back a bit of that romance and effort.

If you can’t think of a way to be romantic, take some time to learn your spouse’s love languages. According to 5lovelanguages.com, love languages are ways that someone expresses and receives love. The five types are: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, giving or receiving gifts, and quality time. The best way you could learn your spouse’s love language, is by expressing your love through small gestures. Maybe it’s over the course of a few days or weeks that you use different gestures to figure out how your husband receives love.

Make romantic gestures become one of your daily habits. Whether it’s sweet or sexy text messages, there are many ways to let your husband know that you’re thinking of him.

Here is a list of practical ways to love on your spouse:

Send them a spicy picture during their lunch break to let them know you’re in the mood.
Make them their favorite cup of coffee before they wake up or leave for work.
Write them little love notes throughout the week.
Plan a date night. Here is a list of fun at home date night ideas!

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For More Encouragement…

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