“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!”
Psalms 127:3-5
Many of us have heard the warning from well-intentioned people: “Having kids will change everything.” Many people often paint a negative picture of marriage after having children, suggesting that the joy and closeness you once shared with your husband will fade or crumble under the weight and responsibilities of parenthood. But what if that belief is just another lie meant to keep us from fully experiencing God’s blessings? As Christian wives and mothers, we are called to see children as blessings, not burdens, and to remember that God’s design for marriage and family is filled with joy and purpose. Let’s explore how we can let go of the enemy’s lies and embrace God’s vision for a strong, faith-filled marriage, after having kids.
Breaking Down the Lies About Kids and Marriage
The world tells us that marriage becomes tedious when we grow our families, that romance fades, and that parents inevitably “grow apart.” This narrative sows seeds of doubt and fear, pushing couples to feel trapped or overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenthood. But what does God’s Word say? Scripture tells us that children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), meant to enrich and strengthen our lives. God’s design for marriage includes children as part of our covenant—adding depth, purpose, and opportunities for growth and sanctification beyond our marriage.
“The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise.”
Proverbs 23:24
1. The Enemy’s Wants to Divide Your Family
The enemy seeks to undermine and destroy our marriages by turning the challenges of parenthood into burdens. Notice the difference between a challenge and a burden? When we believe lies like “kids will change your marriage,” we are more likely to think that distancing ourselves from our husbands will help prepare us for what’s next. What a lie! This mindset and action will only weaken the foundation of our family. Jesus warns us about the enemy’s goal:
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”
John 10:10
We know Jesus came so that we may have life abundantly—both in our marriages and as parents.
2. God’s Truth: Children Are Blessings, Not Burdens
God’s Word constantly reassures us that children are a gift, a part of His beautiful design for marriage and family. They are not obstacles, rather a beautiful blessing that comes with opportunities to grow deeper in love, patience, and unity. Motherhood is just as refining and sanctifying as marriage. By embracing this truth, we can release the fear and resentment and negativity that might try to take root in our hearts. As we navigate the challenges of parenting, we can rest in the knowledge that God will give us the wisdom and grace we need.
How Having Kids Changes Your Marriage — And Why That’s Not a Bad Thing
When we begin to grow our families, it’s true that marriage changes. The demands on our time, energy, and patience increase, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. These changes don’t have to weaken our relationship, they can actually help strengthen it. God designed us to grow together through all of life’s seasons, including the season of parenthood. Embracing the reality of change rather than resisting it gives us opportunity to adapt and deepen our bond with our husbands.
“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 4:8
Embrace this Season of Parenthood as a Couple
Parenthood brings new responsibilities, and it also brings new ways to connect. This is a season that calls us to work together as a team, relying on one another and on God. When we adjust our expectations and seek joy in the everyday moments, we start to see our roles as mother and father as a shared journey. Instead of drifting apart, we can grow closer by learning to lean on each other and improve essential skills such as communication and time management.
How Parenthood Brings Out Your Best Qualities
Raising children with your spouse can bring out strengths we didn’t know we had. Patience, resilience, compassion—these qualities are cultivated as we navigate parenting challenges side by side. When we see our spouse displaying these Christ-like qualities, our love and respect deepen. Parenting can refine us and bring us closer, helping us reflect the love of Christ in our marriage.
Prioritizing Your Marriage While Raising Kids
A thriving marriage doesn’t just benefit you and your spouse; it sets the tone for a happy, stable family. Children feel secure when they see their parents loving, respecting, and supporting each other. Building a strong foundation in your marriage glorifies God and creates a positive example for your kids to follow.
Practical Ways to Stay Connected
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
Romans 12:10
- Date Nights and Alone Time
It’s essential to prioritize time for each other, even in small ways. If a full date night isn’t possible, consider short coffee dates, walks, or moments of prayer together after the kids are in bed. These little efforts go a long way in keeping your relationship close. - Communication is Key
Parenthood can make life feel like a whirlwind, but open communication helps you stay grounded. Set aside time to check in with each other, talk about your day, and share your thoughts, feelings and needs. Intentional communication keeps your relationship healthy and ensures that you face challenges as a team. - Praying Together as a Couple
There is nothing more unifying than prayer. Praying for each other and for your children is a powerful way to keep Christ at the center of your marriage. When you invite God into your relationship, He provides the wisdom, patience, and strength you need.
Learn how to pray for your husband and marriage, A Guide: How To Support Your Husband in Prayer.
Building Resilience Through Faith: God’s Grace in Busy Seasons
Trust in God’s Strength Over Your Own
Parenting can be bone tired exhausting, and there are days when we’ll feel inadequate. But God doesn’t ask us to carry this burden alone. He promises to give us strength. By leaning on His strength instead of our own, we can handle the challenges of marriage and parenting with grace.
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13
Encouragement for When You Feel Weary
Some days will be hard and overwhelming, and that’s okay. During these times, it’s essential to seek rest and renewal from God. Find ways to recharge—whether through prayer, Scripture, or simply a quiet moment with your husband.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
Be Grateful for Small Moments Together
In the chaos of raising kids, don’t overlook the seemingly small blessings. A shared laugh, a hug, or even a cup of coffee together can be a reminder of the love that brought you together. Focus on gratitude, and reflect on the beauty of this season of life.
Dispelling Common Myths About Marriage and Parenting
Myth #1: “You Won’t Have Any Time Together After Kids”
This first myth is rooted in discouragement that can deter couples from starting a family from the fear that marriage will fade. Having children means increased responsibilities and more energy spent nurturing your little ones. But the truth is that there will be rhythms and seasons within parenthood where time will be abundant, or hard to come by. With intentionality and five-star communication, new parents can make time for each other, even if it’s in small pockets. Parenting doesn’t have to mean saying goodbye to romance—it’s about finding new ways to keep your love alive.
Take Action: Prioritize Each Other
Have a conversation with your spouse about your plan of intentionality. Whether you’re expecting, just welcomed your baby, or already have three little ones running around, it’s important to set the standard and be on the same page. Having a happy and healthy marriage requires intentionality from both husband and wife. So how do you both plan to make time for each other on a day-to-day, weekly and monthly basis?
Myth #2: “Kids Are a Burden on Your Relationship”
Children aren’t obstacles to living a happy life, they are blessings that enrich your marriage. They give you shared goals, joy, and purpose. By reframing this mindset, we can see kids as part of God’s plan to strengthen our bond. To learn how to reframe your mindset as a Christian wife and mom, read our blog post on How To Cultivate Daily Gratitude in Your Marriage.
Take Action: Practice Daily Gratitude
When you focus on the negative and the things you feel you’re lacking, it’s hard to maintain joy and peace. Two of the best ways to cultivate a positive mindset as a Christian wife and mother are to 1) start your daily prayers thanking the Lord for who He is and how He’s blessed you, and 2) keep a gratitude journal where you list at least three things or people you are thankful for.
Myth #3: “Marriages Can’t Survive The Pressures of Parenthood”
When our foundation is built on our own expectations and understanding of what marriage should be, we tread on rocky ground. But when our foundation is built on God’s truth and wisdom we’re better prepared to grow a secure and healthy marriage. God gives us everything we need to not only survive but thrive. By keeping Christ at the center, a marriage can grow stronger, deeper, and more resilient through the journey of raising children.
“Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it’s just too bad, because there is no one to help him.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Take Action: Deepen Your Relationship with the Lord
If we always tried to do things in our own strength we would constantly be running on empty. But when we are consistently connected to Christ we can receive constant joy, grace, strength, patience, kindness and more, that will then flow into the people and places around us. Think about it: when you spend quiet time with the Lord early in the morning, do you find it easier to go about your day and handle the dozens of questions and tasks? How about when you skip your morning meeting with Jesus, do you still feel joyful and peaceful? The first thing you should prioritize in order to have a strong marriage after kids, is your own relationship with Jesus – who is sufficient in his grace and abundant in his love for you.
Final Thoughts: Lean on Faith and Embrace the Gift of Family
Letting go of the enemy’s lies about marriage and parenthood is a step toward finding joy, peace, and strength in family life. Remember, as Christian wives and mothers, we don’t have to carry these fears alone. Through faith, prayer, and intentional love, we can embrace the blessings of children while nurturing a strong, Christ-centered marriage.
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