Thrive in the Wait: Advice For Single Christian Women

If you are a single Christian woman currently dating or still in a waiting season for your future husband, now is your time to prepare for what’s next.

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord .”

Proverbs 18:22, The holy bible (niv translation)

Marriage is one of the most important relationships you could ever have, making it one of the most important seasons of life that you should intentionally prepare for. Students spend years at university studying to get a degree that will prepare them for their career. Some women spend months, or even years, preparing and soaking up all the knowledge accessible to them to be great mothers. In the same way each of these dedicated people eagerly prepare for the next thing, you should also intentionally prepare for marriage.

Preparation isn’t just about finding the right partner for you, but also about becoming the right partner for your future husband, through personal growth and maturing spiritually.

Waiting on God

Waiting for something you desire so greatly is like trying not to eat the chocolate when you’re craving it on your menstrual cycle. Waiting for your husband may be a bit comparable to that scenario, especially if you feel like you’ve been in a waiting season for a while. Maybe your friends and family are entering new seasons of life involving marriage or welcoming a new child. It probably feels hard seeing the people you love enter into new, wonderful seasons and wondering when you’ll finally be able to experience your own new and wonderful season.

There is hope. It’s understandable to feel discouraged and struggle to keep your hope in tact. If there’s one piece of hope I can give you, it’s this: great marriages aren’t rushed or something you can rush into. God is waiting to give you his best. Would you want to enter into a relationship or marriage with someone who only met your standards? Or would you be willing to wait patiently for a quality, godly man who exceeds God’s standards? I don’t know about you, but I would rather sit down and wait patiently because I know that my standards are high, but aren’t nearly as great as God’s. Whatever God has is unimaginably better than what I could ever want or picture for myself.

Preparation Is Important

If you’ve ever desired something more for yourself, whether that was a role in the church choir or a new job, you had to enter a season of preparation. As you wait for your future husband now is the time you’re being given to prepare for what God has for you. While preparation is necessary for most things in this life, it also does not mean that you will become this perfect godly wife. That’s what marriage is for!

But this time of preparation is to develop healthy habits, to deepen your relationship with the Lord, to learn new skills that make a godly wife great. If you want the “position” of WIFE you need to start behaving, thinking, speaking and living like you are a WIFE.

Adjusting Expectations About Marriage

Your future husband will be your match made in heaven. Literally. God knows who your future husband will be and you must keep in mind that you will each have qualities and interests that the other may not have. God most often does not bring together two humans who are perfect in every way for each other.

Marriage is made to sanctify you, to make you more holy and freed from sin. If you were perfect, or your marriage perfect, there would be no need for God in your life. If you’ve read a few of my other blog posts, you probably already know how passionate I am about this message.

Perfection ≠ Guaranteed joy and happiness.
Perfection ≠ No trouble or conflict.
Perfection ≠ Bliss.

Trying to be the perfect wife, perfect daughter, perfect mother or perfect woman is hard. You would constantly be in this vicious cycle of trying to achieve “perfect.” If there was a standard of perfect, it wasn’t a standard set by God. Nor is it a standard set by your future husband. If you are currently in a dating season it’s important to discuss expectations. When either one of you enter into marriage with expectations that don’t make sense to the other, or are unrealistic for your lives or current season, it can lead to challenges and conflict down the road.

For example, if your husband expects you to be a stay at home mom and also work and make sure the house is spotless every time he gets home from work-that is one unrealistic expectation (coming from a stay at home working mom of a toddler). Or if you expect him to buy you a fresh bouquet of a dozen flowers every week and you both have a low income and high expenses or high debt, that may be an unrealistic expectation due to finances.

Having these discussions are not about knocking each other down, rather they are to communicate to ensure you align in values and have a realistic/mutual understanding about marriage. You cannot enter marriage thinking, “I can change this in him/myself later on” or “We don’t really align on this now, but I’m sure that will change in the future.” Marriage is not an experiment that you can tweak here and there to make perfect, nor is marriage made to “fix everything”.

Marriage is a partnership. Genesis 2:24 (NIV Translation) says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Both husband and wife need to enter marriage being self-aware, with realistic expectations.

Having a God-centered marriage involves growth, compromise, and continuous self-improvement from both husband and wife.

How To Prepare For Marriage

If you are a single Christian woman believing in and waiting to enter marriage with a godly man, then now is the best time to prepare for what you are praying for. The better prepared and healed you are now means the more equipped you will be to build a strong and fulfilling marriage later.

Being a godly wife requires selflessness and sacrifice. In your season of preparation, I highly encourage you to grow in each item written in the list below and continue praying for your future husband and future marriage:

1. Get intimate with the Lord.

The key to having a God-centered marriage is having an intimate relationship with the Lord, individually. I can promise that there is not a greater foundation of love than that of Jesus. He laid down his life and continues to pursue us with arms open wide, no matter how far we fall or how filled with shame we may be. He loves us through it all, despite the fact that we are sinners and will never be the perfect daughter or friend. When you get deep with Him now, you’ll be able to understand love at a greater capacity as it relates to marriage. Understanding and knowing the love of the Lord will encourage and empower you to be a wife, and woman, who leads and lives out of that same abundant love.

2. Dive deep within yourself.

Being in any relationship requires that you know yourself. As you prepare for marriage it is important to know what you value and what motivates you. This is also the perfect time to seek counsel to work through unresolved issues and areas in your heart that need healing, including emotional or spiritual wounds. When you work through the hurt that you’ve been carrying around, you’ll be a more whole and loving partner. So do the hard work now to reap good fruit in the next season.

3. Set boundaries.

Your body and sexuality are so important. I didn’t know at age eighteen what I know now, ten years later, and regretfully didn’t honor my body before marriage. I didn’t know how to set boundaries that well, either. It wasn’t until I drew closer to the Lord where I realized that sexuality is a precious gift that is so beautiful between a husband and wife. Your body is sacred; dressing for the male gaze or to call attention to your assets will do you more harm than good over time.

Setting boundaries is especially important while dating. It is important to not cross lines before marriage; doing so could cause guilt and shame which can lead to hiding from God, distancing yourself from your community or friends, or worse. I say this as someone who experienced guilt and shame and all of the things that followed. Learn to see boundaries now and especially in dating; this is a skill that you can always use across all situations and relationships.

4. Seek wisdom.

It’s always best to seek out a mentor or community who has already lived out what you are hoping for or currently going through. If you’re preparing for marriage, seek out older married women for their counsel. If you struggle with setting boundaries or are trying to maintain sexual wholesomeness, seek out a group/community who can hold you accountable and be supportive.

In seeking wisdom, seek and learn from older women or couples whose marriage reflects biblical principles. Some biblical principles include: husbands loving their wives as their own bodies, and wives submitting and respecting their husbands.

You can ask a leader in your church if there is a small group you can get connected with, or spend time going to the events your church hosts to meet more people. If you don’t currently have a home church, I recommend visiting local churches until you find the one that you align with best and try to join a small group or bible study. You can also search in your local community Facebook Group for church or small group suggestions.

5. Focus on personal growth.

Marriage is not about your partner making you happy or making you complete. You should enter marriage already happy and healed, because if you get married with a whole lot of hurt and pain still in your heart, you will guarantee your husband hurt feelings and hurtful words. Hurt people, hurt people.

Some ways you can grow and develop include going to therapy, cultivating a stronger and deeper relationship with God, pursuing your goals, building healthy friendships, and engaging in self-care. If you don’t know where to start, I suggest “dating yourself ” and giving your time to your church and community.

The concept of dating yourself is going out by yourself to do something or visit somewhere you’re interested in and getting comfortable in your own company. You can even make it a “date” with Jesus; bring your bible and a notebook or headphones and dive in with curiosity.

6. Know yourself.

Along with healing from personal traumas and emotional wounds, you should gain understanding on your strengths, weaknesses, dreams and passions. The most important skill you can develop is self-awareness and to know these things about yourself requires acute self-awareness. When you know your dreams and passions, you’ll be able to know if you and the person you’re dating align in values and have a potential future together. When you know your strengths and weaknesses, you’ll enter into dating and marriage knowing how you could be as a partner. You’ll also be able to work on improving those weaknesses, especially if they are very important to having a strong relationship (like communication!).

7. Develop healthy habits.

What is a healthy habit? It’s an action that you do consistently for the improvement or to maintain a healthy body, mind, heart and spirit.

Developing healthy habits now is important, because you’ll have the ability and more time to practice consistency. For example, if you want to have or maintain a healthy body than you would have a healthy habit of exercising three times a week for twenty to thirty minutes. If you want to have a healthy mind, you might read for fifteen to twenty minutes at least twice a week. If you want to have a healthy spirit, you would spend dedicated time (maybe at least fifteen minutes) in prayer and reading the Word.

To be a happy and healthy wife, you need to be a happy and healthy woman first. Develop healthy habits for your lifestyle and future.

Final Thoughts

While waiting for marriage it is important for single Christian women to intentionally prepare for this next season. Marriage requires realistic expectations and self-awareness; it also requires compromise, an intimate relationship with the Lord and personal development.

If you’re currently in a waiting season I encourage you to prepare as much as possible and with much intention. While marriage does not require or expect perfection,it requires sacrifice and submission as a wife. I pray this encourages you!

Share Your Thoughts

If you are currently a single Christian woman preparing for marriage, let me know your thoughts below. Feel free to share your experiences with dating in this season, or how you keep up hope and confidence in God.

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